Weird.

We walked to the pizza place last night with the kids at like 8pm. Alister guided our way with a glow in the dark Avatar and I felt super pumped that I live one block away from the best pizza in town. Fattttt.

We got home and watched Lost while the little turdz watched The Fantastic Mr. Fox like 9 times in a row. You know... Lost is not even a show anymore. Im pretty sure it's a real place. Im super excited that Satan lives there now. Also glad to see there is finally a program about the evil satan and not just like a comic parody on some sitcom. Satan is so brutal. I bet on the last episode Satan gets off that island and beheads everyone in the world with a crossbow made out of Hitler's forearms.

Anyway.

I'll have stuff up later...

(If Burgertime (bummertime) ever allows anything to ever get done around here...)

I am the Black Wizards




I made a fancy dinner for Will and I last night and all my stomach kept thinking was "This is not cereal." Lasagne with bolognese sauce and creme fraiche. It took like 3 hours to make and it was pretty good... Even better is that I asked Will-tard to put it up before we went to bed and he just left it out on the counter all night. Swoon!


Anyjew, this is how it looked before Stupid ruined it:







We tried to watch Sleepwalkers while eating but I ditched out early. I had like 3 VHS tapes when I was 14 or something and watched them over and over because we didn't have cable. Sleepwalkers, Last of the Mohicans and Drop Dead Fred. I kinda remember stealing them from my Uncle George's closet but that may have been porn tapes. I can't remember. What's interesting is how perfect these three movies sum up my current movie tastes.

Anyway. Sleepwalkers. I came home after work today and continued watching. I am pretty sure its been about 5-10 years since Ive seen it last. It was totally mind fucking... again, I guess.

You know, the primary reason that the opening of Sleepwalkers bewilders us viewers is that it features Mark Hamill sportin' a Tom Selleck mustache while hes trying to tread his way through a suspended forest of mutilated cat carcasses. When I first watched it I remember I kept going back and forth between the realization that somebody in this film really hates cats and asking myself " Is that really Mark Hamill?"

I ate the Lasagne that was left out, too. Even though Ive never done any mind altering drugs, Im pretty sure watching Sleepwalkers and eating possible rancid bolognese and sour cream is as close to acid and mushrooms as you get.

Things I learned (re-learned?) from watching Sleepwalkers again:

Cats make great wind chimes.

Incest produces neon gas and electricity.

Teenage girls have two decorating options: "Purple Ballet" and "Casually Draped Intimates."

Real octopus skin quarter panels were an available option on the 1977 Trans Am.

Vampires are deathly afraid of SLR cameras.

Peaches are among the most sensual of fruits.

The problem with Ford police cars is that they explode when shot.

Sweating flammable tuna oil is a bummer of an evolutionary liability when there are pyrotechnic kitties about.

Listening to Enya is like watching cats frolic around a bonfire.

:/ whatever.

I also aquired some good things this week. This book:

I had hoped that there were more big pictures than it has but its pretty crazy. There are some pictures in the back of the medical students posing with the cadavers and putting hats on their heads and pipes in their mouths. Im pretty sure once I start medical school, Ill do the same. But instead of pipes and hats, it'll be like neon sunglasses and joints.

I also got a Venus Fly Trap baby. '

I named it Rick Moranis. Obviously. I couldn't find any insects for it to kill so I fed it a raisin. Not the same. It hung onto it for a little bit then dropped it. Like it knew. Im kinda bummed it doesnt look like the one in Little Shop of Horrors. I know it wouldnt be exactly the same but this thing just looks like a split open lima bean. Not menacing at all. Its spikes arent even sharp. Ill take a picture once it feeds on blood.

Then... I went with Rebecca Romijn not Stamos to the Screen Door and found these things:

What....ever... they are. A few ideas are flasks or wine corks but Pat Faggot said they might be doll heads. They are supposed to be male and female although I dont see any difference. I am in the process of drilling out there eyes and putting in LED lights. Im also thinking of repainting their faces with corpse paint.

Black Metal Mimi and Papa.

One day when Will and I are like 70 we will go to another Mayhem show in Spartenburg, NC because we didn't learn our lesson the first time and we will have no reservations about being in corpse paint and we will find hot metal girls and dudes and take them home and rape them and then thrash for all time.

Hss anyone seen the movie Rollerball with James Caan? That chink team was amazing. I wish this whole roller girl/ derby fad thats going on should be more like that movie. Shit was brutal.

I would be so party time excellent in this game.

I put the sensual back in non-consensual.

Today is the 19th of March and I have still not recieved my oversized poster of Carl Weathers. I want to put it over my bed so that when I fuck my boyfriend I will be scared out of my fucking mind.

You know, ... cause he's black and stuff.

Speaking of Weathers, I recently found out there were a series of documentry/ shorts made about the predator movies that went straight to video. There are like 5 of them or some shit. One's called Predator: The Unseen Arnold. I want all of these. I want all of these and maybe spend the rest of my life making more.

anyblood.

I hope to have drawings up soon. I have a few other things that I want to get on here, too. Hopefully I will have the whole site up and running by the end of the month. Crossed clitbones! You can't wait!!

I had this dream last night that I fucked Matt Damon and Barrak Obama and then they fucked each other. I woke up and looked at my sleeping boyfriend and had this idea to beat the living shit out of his body and see what he would do. Like... would he break-up with me? I am always asking him to what extremes he would break up with me over. So far... I could push it as far as hiding glass or poop in his food or slam a metal pipe on his thigh.

Not really.

ps. Does anyone remember a movie with these dolls that like came to life but not like scary dolls but like cabbage patch looking dolls and they were in this imaginary land in this girls closet and everyone was made out of foam or something and they would only come out in this girls dreams or whatever? I remember watching it when I was like 8 and eating cake batter and watching the movie not knowing if I had just seen it or imagined it. I really hope its real. I wish I could remember what it was called! Help!

-L

P.P.S:

yes!