oh boy.

Ever since I got an IPhone a few years ago, I haven't really sat at a computer longer than it takes me to google kittens in sun glasses. But I do that pretty frequently.

Man, he's cool.

Oh! How was your halloween? Did you dig up your dead dogs skull on halloween night? I did.

Ive gotten mixed reactions to this... I don't see the big ol' deal, really. I had always planned to do it with all the animals that might unfortunately die on me. Wizard died about 2 years ago and so I decided to dig up his skull on halloween night with a friend. It was pretty exciting. He had already decomposed to a point where he was unrecognizable. I loved that stupid dog. Is it really that strange?

Anyway, here are somethings I have been baking lately...

Pumpkin donuts with chocolate/ hazelnut ganache icing and a vanilla and rose water icing:

I've been making a lot of mini donuts lately after I found a recipe on Vegan Yum Yum. I sometimes use the real egg and real butter but other times an egg made out of egg replacer works just as great. I altered the recipe to make "fruit" bread doughnuts such as pumpkin, lemon, and banana.

Trouble.

I also tinkered with some fondant. And... it tastes horrible! Like no flavor taffy or something. I don't think I will use it often but it makes cakes look super pretty. Here are some russian dolls mini-cakes I made with Rebekah:

(Sorry about the picture quality... I tend to cook late at night to prohibit me inhaling everything)

Back. so.

It's been a busy month. Work, a weird show, hanging out, summer boners, vasectomies...etc, etc...

We are thinking of moving to Germany. If it happens, it would be the end of the year. The problems are really just getting our massive books, a fat cat and neurotic pug over there. Everything/one else seems to be on board. I'd have to learn german pretty quickly if Im going to continue school there. Or I could just carry around Mein Kampf and point to it a lot. Same thing, right?

Also, this happened recently:


I went thrift shopping with a friend and she tried on a Victorias Secret onesie? and I had to snap the crotch in front of an old person. (Notice that I said "had" like I had no other choice.)
I didn't.

The show came out weird. I rushed everything and I wasnt sleeping because bozo was in Germany and I only ate Target hotdogs and took nyquil with lattes. It was a lot of upside down heads and rainbows and horse people. Yeah, weird.

Anyway. Speaking of Burgertime.... He is so FAT. I thought it was funny for a little while to only feed him this type of cat candy called Beachside Crunch for like all his meals but now I feel like a jerk. He's gained like 20lbs in a 3 weeks. And now there is no not-feeding him. Look at the size of his head compared to a toddler:

WHAT! It's so big. One weekend I tried to put him on a one meal a day diet and I found him sitting on our dryer with the blind cord around his neck. Wtf is his problem.

Also, iphone knows how awesome Ghostbusters are.

I kinda want to make a body pillow in the likeness of Vigo. I researched and found out the massive dude who played him has a pretty amazing resume of movie titles. Mostly all in German but my favorite is "Night of the Warrior.... Bike". Like his name in this movie is Bike... or he is a bike. Either way. Awesome.

I also watched The Witches of Eastwick and my FAVORITE scene of ALL TIME is when Jack Nicholson turns into that weird skinny giant with dreads and all his joints are skewed in some way and then he turns into that floating baby with the head of Kuato and the body of an inside out worm with ribs or something? I cant find a picture of it online which is just stupid. It's the best.

Weird.

We walked to the pizza place last night with the kids at like 8pm. Alister guided our way with a glow in the dark Avatar and I felt super pumped that I live one block away from the best pizza in town. Fattttt.

We got home and watched Lost while the little turdz watched The Fantastic Mr. Fox like 9 times in a row. You know... Lost is not even a show anymore. Im pretty sure it's a real place. Im super excited that Satan lives there now. Also glad to see there is finally a program about the evil satan and not just like a comic parody on some sitcom. Satan is so brutal. I bet on the last episode Satan gets off that island and beheads everyone in the world with a crossbow made out of Hitler's forearms.

Anyway.

I'll have stuff up later...

(If Burgertime (bummertime) ever allows anything to ever get done around here...)

I am the Black Wizards




I made a fancy dinner for Will and I last night and all my stomach kept thinking was "This is not cereal." Lasagne with bolognese sauce and creme fraiche. It took like 3 hours to make and it was pretty good... Even better is that I asked Will-tard to put it up before we went to bed and he just left it out on the counter all night. Swoon!


Anyjew, this is how it looked before Stupid ruined it:







We tried to watch Sleepwalkers while eating but I ditched out early. I had like 3 VHS tapes when I was 14 or something and watched them over and over because we didn't have cable. Sleepwalkers, Last of the Mohicans and Drop Dead Fred. I kinda remember stealing them from my Uncle George's closet but that may have been porn tapes. I can't remember. What's interesting is how perfect these three movies sum up my current movie tastes.

Anyway. Sleepwalkers. I came home after work today and continued watching. I am pretty sure its been about 5-10 years since Ive seen it last. It was totally mind fucking... again, I guess.

You know, the primary reason that the opening of Sleepwalkers bewilders us viewers is that it features Mark Hamill sportin' a Tom Selleck mustache while hes trying to tread his way through a suspended forest of mutilated cat carcasses. When I first watched it I remember I kept going back and forth between the realization that somebody in this film really hates cats and asking myself " Is that really Mark Hamill?"

I ate the Lasagne that was left out, too. Even though Ive never done any mind altering drugs, Im pretty sure watching Sleepwalkers and eating possible rancid bolognese and sour cream is as close to acid and mushrooms as you get.

Things I learned (re-learned?) from watching Sleepwalkers again:

Cats make great wind chimes.

Incest produces neon gas and electricity.

Teenage girls have two decorating options: "Purple Ballet" and "Casually Draped Intimates."

Real octopus skin quarter panels were an available option on the 1977 Trans Am.

Vampires are deathly afraid of SLR cameras.

Peaches are among the most sensual of fruits.

The problem with Ford police cars is that they explode when shot.

Sweating flammable tuna oil is a bummer of an evolutionary liability when there are pyrotechnic kitties about.

Listening to Enya is like watching cats frolic around a bonfire.

:/ whatever.

I also aquired some good things this week. This book:

I had hoped that there were more big pictures than it has but its pretty crazy. There are some pictures in the back of the medical students posing with the cadavers and putting hats on their heads and pipes in their mouths. Im pretty sure once I start medical school, Ill do the same. But instead of pipes and hats, it'll be like neon sunglasses and joints.

I also got a Venus Fly Trap baby. '

I named it Rick Moranis. Obviously. I couldn't find any insects for it to kill so I fed it a raisin. Not the same. It hung onto it for a little bit then dropped it. Like it knew. Im kinda bummed it doesnt look like the one in Little Shop of Horrors. I know it wouldnt be exactly the same but this thing just looks like a split open lima bean. Not menacing at all. Its spikes arent even sharp. Ill take a picture once it feeds on blood.

Then... I went with Rebecca Romijn not Stamos to the Screen Door and found these things:

What....ever... they are. A few ideas are flasks or wine corks but Pat Faggot said they might be doll heads. They are supposed to be male and female although I dont see any difference. I am in the process of drilling out there eyes and putting in LED lights. Im also thinking of repainting their faces with corpse paint.

Black Metal Mimi and Papa.

One day when Will and I are like 70 we will go to another Mayhem show in Spartenburg, NC because we didn't learn our lesson the first time and we will have no reservations about being in corpse paint and we will find hot metal girls and dudes and take them home and rape them and then thrash for all time.

Hss anyone seen the movie Rollerball with James Caan? That chink team was amazing. I wish this whole roller girl/ derby fad thats going on should be more like that movie. Shit was brutal.

I would be so party time excellent in this game.

I put the sensual back in non-consensual.

Today is the 19th of March and I have still not recieved my oversized poster of Carl Weathers. I want to put it over my bed so that when I fuck my boyfriend I will be scared out of my fucking mind.

You know, ... cause he's black and stuff.

Speaking of Weathers, I recently found out there were a series of documentry/ shorts made about the predator movies that went straight to video. There are like 5 of them or some shit. One's called Predator: The Unseen Arnold. I want all of these. I want all of these and maybe spend the rest of my life making more.

anyblood.

I hope to have drawings up soon. I have a few other things that I want to get on here, too. Hopefully I will have the whole site up and running by the end of the month. Crossed clitbones! You can't wait!!

I had this dream last night that I fucked Matt Damon and Barrak Obama and then they fucked each other. I woke up and looked at my sleeping boyfriend and had this idea to beat the living shit out of his body and see what he would do. Like... would he break-up with me? I am always asking him to what extremes he would break up with me over. So far... I could push it as far as hiding glass or poop in his food or slam a metal pipe on his thigh.

Not really.

ps. Does anyone remember a movie with these dolls that like came to life but not like scary dolls but like cabbage patch looking dolls and they were in this imaginary land in this girls closet and everyone was made out of foam or something and they would only come out in this girls dreams or whatever? I remember watching it when I was like 8 and eating cake batter and watching the movie not knowing if I had just seen it or imagined it. I really hope its real. I wish I could remember what it was called! Help!

-L

P.P.S:

yes!